Gov ID registration

The government has finally twigged that ramping up the capabilities of their software will deliver massive savings via reduced numbers of civil servants (woooo). This will in turn reduce central government costs.

This may feel like more pain than hitting your head on the wall, but uk gov has a monopoly, so if you want to access lots of government services, they will gradually only be accessible via this exceedingly narrow chicane of IT drudgery. Passports, Companies House, DVLA to name a few.

UK new director id requirements coming in in late 2025.

Coho have decided………..

These notes concern the new director id requirements coming in in late 2025.

Basically Coho is belatedly trying get a handle on its massive database of directors, many of who don’t seem sure of their names from one week to the next, so there’s lots of duplications and undetected errors.

And of course the new rules meaning fighting an online system,

Make sure you have a large coffee, and valium to hand before you start……..

• So visit the UK government one id website, on a pc preferably

• Enter a plausible email address, and see if the website reacts.

• If it says “never heard of you”, create yourself a login as instructed.

• You WILL NEED EITHER a UK passport or UK photo driving licence

• It will ask you some tricky questions “do you live in UK”, and eventually ask you to link your phone to the application via a QR code

• Your phone will need to be running Applespeak or Android.

• It will prompt you to link things up via the QR code.

• Important – choose the right operating system!

• Scan the QR code displayed on the telly, and it will start downloading the gov id app for you.

• Open it and enter the gov id email address you have registered yourself for in your pc, but this time it’s on the phone.

• After logging in it will demand your UK passport. Make sure you have your actual passport, not a scan, as the software can tell the difference.

• Pro Tip!! Put the passport down open on the page with the long codes below your passport, but you MUST have the passport sitting on something with a dark background so the app can tell the edges of the passport page. Don’t hold the passport open with your fingers as it will ensure a scanfail.

• Then it will want your phone to sit on top of the passport to read its chip, so make sure before you start this malarkey that you have your nfc thingy on the phone turned on.

• You will get a screen message telling you its read your chip ok,

• Then it will do a face scan. You MUST make sure your face looks pretty similar to the passport photo, and, like it says, remove your glasses, before starting. Which is a problem as you then might not be able to read the messages!

• Anyway once you’ve staggered through the flashing colours the screen will clear, and you can put your glasses back on to read the verdict.

• You will then be directed back to your pc to finish the process

• Click on the (unnecessary) confirmation messages

• Now you will need your address – you know the one you sleep in

• The tricky bit once you've remembered that, is to remember when you started living there – and match it to the (secret) date Big Brother has in mind

• Then the amstrad will go off and check the data again

• Read the final message carefully to make sure you're dismissed.

• Then you have to wait while they verify your data, and they will email you or text you with an update, so look out for it.

• BUT if it FAILS!

• If it fails you will need to call them and chat to a bloke in a faraway call centre fed up with the same questions.

• Look carefully at the telly, as it will offer you webchat or telephone. NB. Webchat is never open, so just ring them with the magic code displayed on the screen – WRITE IT DOWN before it disappears.

• Help tel number here: 0300 373 9020

• It checks the Equifax database, so if you have failed, go to their website, and see what details they hold about you.

• If it all looks the same the ONLY route left to you to fix it, is to raise a ticket with Equifax and ask them to tell you the data they hold, and check it very carefully to see what is different.

• Assuming it’s identical you will need to go back to them and challenge them as to why they will not respond positively to the Coho verification flag.

• And if you fail the oneguv ID verification, the civil terdants have nothing on their webshite about what to do. When you ring them up, the lady firstly does the IT standard helpdesk answer of making you do it again - pointless because why would a second go work?, and then she's stumped, and says "you need to speak to the credit agency who we use to verify the shite you've entered online". So you file a ticket with Equifax who ignore you.

And because oneguv is a mandatory ‘virus’, infecting through all government services, it's crucial you get this fixed because otherwise you gradually get shut out of all government webshites. Personally i am already locked out of Passports and DVLA records. And I can't do the Coho director ID junk, or register as a Coho ACSP either!

So oneguv functions like a narrow defile or portcullis you MUST get through in order to live!

Government website here

Thank heavens for civil servants reliably coming up with practicable solutions to all life's little problems.

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Abell Limited